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Losing My Brother...

I will be the first to admit that this is not quite the "Blog Comeback" I had in mind when deciding a few weeks ago to become a more dedicated blogger. However, this is one of the most important experiences I will share- and one of the most private and painful too.

My brother would have been 42 on July 20th. Sadly, he passed away just a month ago. Let me start by telling you a little about him:
My brother struggled with drugs before he was a teenager. But he was so much more than his addiction. He was hilarious. He had a sense of humor that only his friends and people close to him understood. He had a contagious laugh that would fill a room and a crazy look that would scare you to death. He was everything tough, and feared few things. He loved music. Check that. He loved LOUD music... the kind that you could feel in your chest that would have the neighbors complaining in the early hours of the morning. My brother said what he meant and meant what he said. You never had to wonder where you stood with him. He was also loyal to the bone. He would do anything for anyone. More times than not, he was more generous than most. He would give money or food to anyone who asked. He didn't care why you were asking for it. None of that mattered to him. I think that was the part of his addiction that made him compassionate to others who struggled. And the one thing I loved the most about him was his incredible ability to forgive and let go.

I'm also going to tell you that my brother was no saint and he was far from being an angel. You loved Charlie because he was a good guy who happened to be crazy. Seriously, there will be stories about him for many years to come! When I was 15 and first moved from FL to CA, I was asked out by a grocery store clerk and when I told him my name, he asked if I was related to Charlie. When I proudly told him that he was my brother, he quickly let me know he doesn't mess with Charlie's family and wished me all the best. And that was the end of that! I can go on and on with stories of the battles with the Sheriff and M1000's, or jumping off the cliff at Lone Tree Point and busting his face because he seriously miscalculated the water depth. Or that stupid tattoo he put on his lip shortly after. Or that Fourth of July at Lone Tree Point where he burnt the hillside with his home made rockets. Or the time he dislocated my shoulder by tossing me on a mattress. Or the night he tried to teach me about CB radios or ham radios, or whatever the heck he was talking about. Or when Charlie jumped into Jerry's truck bed... while we were driving on Parker Ave. Or how I met Jerry through my brother 19 years ago. It didn't take long for me to see how my brother got his reputation and it was only a matter of time when all the stories of my brother became well known to me.

He was my brother and in spite of his craziness and all the personal demons he battled, I got to see the softer side of him. I got the nights when he needed to talk to someone, he would just show up at my home in the wee hours of the morning. He wasn't the brother that called on my birthday or sent cards for Christmas. And up until last year, I didn't even realize how much those things meant to him until after I missed his birthday. He actually called me to ask me if I forgot about him. True story! So this past year for Christmas, I sent him all the pics and cards I thought would annoy him to no end. And whenever I knew he was in the hospital, I would spend as much time with him as possible there. He didn't like to be alone so having company was the only way to make sure he didn't do another hospital break! More recently, he called me after one of the last times he went fishing. Even though it took him over two hours to make it just a few blocks, he was happy he got to go. He loved fishing and was sad that his legs kept him from going. I'll never forget the sound in his voice before we said good-bye that left us both choked up. How was I to know that was the last time I was going to talk to him?

My brother had been sick for a long time. A lifetime of drug abuse caused irreversible damage to his body. He'd been in congestive heart failure since 2007 and in 2010, it became painfully clear that his time on earth was quickly coming to an end. Yet, he made it a few more years. Our relationship suddenly changed from a casual "hey, I'm hungry... watchu making, I'm comin' over" to "Sharon, we're all dying. Some of us sooner than others" and eventually to, "So what makes your God so different? And why do we live just to suffer, then die?" We had those tough conversations about how he wanted things to happen in the end. I asked those hard questions because no one else would. I did my best not to fall apart when he shared his fears and his regrets. I got to pray over him and with him. My brother was lost in this world and I never knew just how lost he felt until our last time together. We were sitting on his front porch and he was completely broken, in pain both physically and emotionally, and for the first time, I saw him reaching out. One of the greatest things he did for me, was have a very candid conversation about his life in front of both of my boys. He wanted them to see what a lifetime of bad choices cost him. I am grateful for this selfless lesson, but I was heartbroken that I didn't realize his choices were a result of hurts that he never got over. Those are not my scars to share,  but for the first time I realized: some choices aren't just made for the reasons I thought they were. Rather, some lifestyles are born in attempts to relieve the pain that some wounds, when never healed, begin to break down the soul. And bad choices made over and over again are just too hard to overcome by someone who has no hope.

I was fortunate to have many chances to talk with my brother. I was able to tell him at every opportunity that I loved him. Fortunately, there wasn't anything left unsaid between us. I loved him and I knew he loved me.

Unfortunately, these last few weeks have been filled with more pain than just my brother's death. There are tragic circumstances around his passing that have been devestating but that were easily avoidable. The personal attacks from certain individuals have hindered the grieving process for me. As if death wasn't hard enough to deal with, this painful experience doesn't stop there. Nor did it begin there.

I learned that my brother was in the hospital by an innocent Facebook post. After several dead-end attempts to connect with family who was actually with him, I learned that he was intentionally isolated. Attempts to contact the hospital led to the painful discovery that no one, outside of the two individuals there with him, would have access to him or any information on him. It was a bitter battle with lead nurses and hospital case workers over the next few days only to learn that once my brother was incapacitated, the family that was with him, acquired complete control over every aspect of the remainder of his life and his arrangements beyond.

My brother was very specific in our last conversation about what he wanted and didn't want. I asked him to have our discussion notarized. To him, this thought was ridiculous as my brother truly believed that when the time came, these same two individuals would have enough integrity to make the right decisions. How tragic for all involved that this couldn't be farther from what actually happened. There were several medical procedures that were done or planned, that were never supposed to even be considered. There were several attempts trying to understand why I, along with other family members, including our mother, couldn't know anything or even be there with Charlie.

Among the many things that happened to him before he passed away, he feared most, being isolated. He didn't want to die in a hospital or on life support and above all, he wanted to be with the people who loved him and with those he loved. None of us got to "kiss his face a thousand times" as that choice was ripped from all of us. Ultimately, it was taken from the person who mattered most. The man who lay there dying. My brother.

I found out my bother passed away via text messages from several people who were asked not to tell me (or others in the family). Even a month later, I still don't know exactly which day he passed away or even how he passed away.

While sitting on his porch last summer, my brother told me he wanted to be cremated and have his ashes spread behind the rock wall in Rodeo which was his favorite fishing spot. Unfortunately, his first choice of being taken up in a rocket ship, then spread out into outer space was not available. He never wanted a funeral as the thought of people crying over him made him sick, so I was neither surprised nor sad about being prohibited from attending a secret funeral and private burial that he never wanted in the first place. Although I know that his soul is not there, my heart is extremely hurt about not being able to visit his final resting place. I learned after contacting every cemetery in the area that where he is at, I will not be allowed to visit his gravesite "as per the family's wishes", according to their staff.

It is tragic that my brother's last moments were surrounded by such greed and hate. These individuals made the choice to participate and/or enforce my brother's isolation while playing the "victim" in all the drama that was created. My brother was stripped of a proper farewell with those last precious moments stolen from him as well as so many of us. I won't speak on any other family member's pain as their story is not mine to share. I know in my heart that I am going to make it through. I also know I will never fully heal from the hurt caused to Charlie and the closure he never got at the end of his life or the closure that we will never have. Because of this, accepting that my brother is gone has been more difficult as I struggle to process everything. I am completely heartbroken by his death and I battle daily each new set of emotions that come with knowing there is nothing I can do to change that or the way any of this has happened.

Charlie & I grew up keeping battles like these private, so I'm feeling a bit vulnerable sharing this experience and exposing this level of hurt that has reached an unparalleled depth of pain. The fallout from this continues even now and there is simply no justification to the cruelty of it all. Even so, I know I've been blessed with many wonderful people who've become my support system and I've held on to my faith to carry me through and the promise of Psalm 121. I will never make sense of something that can not be made sense of. I realize that this could have all been avoided had my brother put something, anything in writing. Because he didn't, he was at the mercy of people who didn't have his best interest at heart. The remainder of his life and the arrangements of his death were made by individuals that Charlie was so sure loved him enough that they would put all differences aside during this time. Instead, they turned the end of his life into their own personal arena and made a circus of his death. So why share? Because Charlie deserved better. He will never get closure and we may never see justice but sharing is part of my healing and moving on. My brother didn't deserve to be a pawn in this game. He deserved to be showered with love during his entire life, especially in the end... not after he's gone. He deserved to be spread out on the ocean like he wanted. He deserved a celebration of his life that focused on his life and all that he did right. He deserved to be surrounded by the people he would have wanted and no one should have controlled that.

If you have a story about Charlie, please share. He would have probably enjoyed your version of something crazy he did. 

40lbs & 6 sizes down (Part II) DETOX

Hey friends! First of all, I am completely overwhelmed by the response from my last blog post! Thank you for all of the texts, emails, pics & stories so many of you shared! I am truly honored to be a part of your lives and your journey! I apologize that I'm not as good at blogging on a regular basis but I will keep trying to share posts on things I've learned and share some tips that have helped me. This may be a longer blog but there's lots of info to share!

Oh! Before I forget... I also wanted to make sure that I mentioned- in addition to all of the benefits listed on my previous post (http://simplydesignstudios.blogspot.com/2012/06/40lbs-6-sizes-down-part-i-reboot.html) about this lifestyle change, I was actually able to lower my blood pressure from Stage 1 hypertension of 141/92 to a normal range of 117/76 in just 3 weeks. With that, my anxiety came down and I was, in general, feeling better long before I started to see a difference in my weight. I was actually beginning to understand that my goal of becoming more healthy was just that. Be More Healthy. However, the side effects to that goal was feeling better and losing weight. I only mention that because when I'd hit those moments that I wasn't losing weight as quickly as I wanted to, I would remind myself of how great I was feeling and how far along in my progress I actually was. Like I mentioned before, it's really about changing the way you think. 

Before I share my journey, I want to reiterate: I am NOT a trainer. I am NOT a professional. I am a woman who's battled weight for nearly a decade and has recently had a revelation about the way I think about food. I am more than happy to share what has and is continuing to work for me- but please don't use my plan as a personal plan for you. Rather, a helpful stepping stone to build your own plan on. 

So, about juicing. I know many of you've watched Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead with Joe Cross. You can learn more about this documentary here: http://www.fatsickandnearlydead.com/. Like me, you're probably scratching your head on the whole juicing process. It's okay. The one thing about the documentary that's a little confusing is your not juicing the entire time. You are eating just raw fruits/veggies for the detox but it's not strictly a juice diet. Some people just juice, and it works for them. However, I strongly recommend you NOT doing that. It's a little more complex than just making juices for 2-3 weeks straight. On top of that, you may find yourself biting off more than you can chew if you are going from one extreme to another. Yes, I'm speaking from experience. 

The week before starting a "detox", I weaned off coffee. I'm not a huge coffee drinker but I knew I would have to temporarily give that up and it's easier for me to give up things one at a time then everything at once. I also gave up chocolate... which is HUGE for me. As far as juicers, I purchased the Jack LeLaine juicer and highly recommend it. It runs about $100 and you get more juice with less air. You can even do the trial for a couple of weeks if you just wanted to try it out:  http://www.powerjuicer.com/  So, let's talk about juices!

Just to be clear, when I started juicing, I continued to eat. I ate raw and minimally cooked fruits and veggies. I encourage you to eat food that keep your digestive system working at breaking down solid foods. If there's one thing I learned from all the stupid diets I've tried is this: if you remove solids from your diet to get that super-fast weight loss, then you can expect the weight to come back on as soon as you reintroduce it back into your system. Don't cheat folks! This is a lifestyle change, not a fad diet.

And the most important rule for juicing/ raw foods diet: 

DRINK LOTS AND LOTS OF WATER!!! AND THEN DRINK SOME MORE!

Generally most detox diets will contain the following foods:

• Organic food and drink (no pesticides or fungicides).
• Whole unprocessed foods (grains, nuts, seeds, etc).
• High mix of vegetables and fruit.
• 2 liters of water per day
• Certain herbs such as Psyllium seed, Licorice root, Yucca root, Milk thistle seed, Gentian root, to aid the detoxifying process.

Most detox programs will avoid the following:

• Alcohol, caffeine, tobacco, and drugs
• Processed and refined foods
• Certain supplements (due to the amount of additives).

Reduction of Stress

Many detox regimes are holistic in outlook. It is important to address other areas of stress in your life, and examine lifestyle as a whole. 

(Source: http://www.everydiet.org/detox_diet.htm)

In the mornings, I tend to make fruit bakes which usually consists of mixed fruits, maybe some crushed nuts for texture and drizzled with honey or cinnamon for a little variety. I LOVE juicing fruits because they are sweet but to properly juice, it's a general rule to keep your fruit & veggie intake at a 30% to 70% ratio. 30% fruits & 70% veggies. Eating nothing but fruits aren't good for you. They are digested quickly and there are lots of natural sugars in them. Although natural sugars are better than processed sugars, too much is still not good. Through trial and error, I've learned that you can add either pineapple, apple, or pear to any juice to sweeten them up... even mean greens! I also make things like butternut squash cereal, and yam pancakes. It takes a little getting used to but now I LOVE them! I notice that if I eat regular pancakes, I'm too tired and full so I prefer not to eat them.

For lunches, I love eating salads of all kinds. Fruit salads, veggie salads, green salads, greek salads... you name it, I'm all over it! I've even learned to juice my own dressing. My latest kick has been: raspberry vinaigrette. You may be asking yourself why I would choose to make my own rather than just buying it... well, I've recently learned that several of my favorite salad dressing contain... well, you can read the article here: http://foodtrainers.blogspot.com/2011/08/ditch-bottled-salad-dressing.html

For snacks, I've cut & baked red, purple and any other color than white- potatoes and have made dips from avacadoes to homemade salsa. All natural and delicious. I usually make enough for 2-3 servings so I can eat that a couple of times in the day of have enough for the following day... or just enough for my family to enjoy with me. 

Dinner can be anything from a 'barely' cooked stir-fry to veggie sliders, a mean green, to stuffed peppers or mushrooms. It wasn't easy in the beginning to find things I liked so I had to experiment a lot! I started the raw fruits/veggies & juicing detox 3 time before I could finish it. It wasn't easy and for me it was really a "one choice at a time" mindset. And if you made a bad choice for lunch, don't count it as a wasted day and you can start over on the next one. It was simply one bad decision and you can make a better one during your next snack or meal. When you're first starting, it's literally one step at a time! So don't beat yourself up! Just keep going.

Also, please note that if you start this, you will be experiencing detox symptoms. Basically, you are detoxing from processed foods. In processed foods are chemicals & toxins that your body was never meant to digest. You may experience fatigue, headaches (especially for coffee drinker & sweet tooth's, like me!). You may even notice that you are more irritable in the first few days. Also, and I know that no one wants this brought up, but you will also notice a difference with your bowel movements. Please consult with a trained professional about these before attempting this raw foods detox as I'm not qualified to give any advice or assessment on this. 

Below are some of my favorite meals I made during the beginning of my journey. I still make most of them now but have added limited amounts of meat/fish... but that's a whole other blog! Also note, some of these contain dairy which isn't part of the detox. You can just remove the dairy from these recipes to make this a true detox, then slowly add it in later.

Here's a video on how to make a mean green with Joe Cross: 

MY PINK CREATION

5 Carrots

1 Tomato

1 Grapefruit

1 Apple

1/4 Pineapple

Ginger Root

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APPLE PEAR BAKE

2 Apples cubed

2 Pears Cubed

1/4 Cup of Raisins

1/4 Cup of Dried Cherries

Honey 

Cinnamon

(Pecans, Optional)

Simply cube the apples and pears. Add raisins & cherries (pecans optional) 

Drizzle with honey and sprinkle with cinammon to taste

Bake at 350 for about 1/2 hour or until tender.

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RED BERRY TROPICAL SMOOTHIE

1 Handful of Raspberries
1 Handful of Strawberries
1 Handful of Cherries
1 Chunk on Pinapple
1 Mango
1/2 Cup of Coconut Milk
 1 Handful of Ice

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MIXED BERRY SMOOTHIE

1 Banana
6 Large Strawberries
1 Handful of  Blueberries
6 Cherries
Dollop of Frozen Vanilla Yogurt
2/3 cup of Vanilla Almond Milk 
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GREEK SALAD

2 Tomatoes
1 Cucumber
2 Green Onions
1/2 Red Onion
Feta cheese
Red Wine Vinegar

Chop Everything Up.
Mix 'em together and sprinkle feta as desired.
Add Red Wine Vinegar to taste.

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CREAMY COCONUT SQUASH
From Page 12 of Primal Blueprint Quick & Easy Meals

1/2 Butternut Squash
1 ½ cups of Coconut Milk
1/4 Teaspoon of Cinammon
1/4 cup of pecans

Peel the butternut squash then cut into chunks. Microwave them until soft, about 4-6 minutes. Blend the squash in a blender or food processor, then add coconut milk & cinnamon. Add crushed pecans if desired.
 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

VEGGIE SLIDERSSweet potatoes
Baby Portebellas
Kale
Tomato
Cucumber
 Onions
Avacado Spread (with garlic)

Bake Potatoes (not too soft though) and warm mushrooms in the oven
Then throw it all together! It's actually pretty darn good!

40lbs & 6 sizes down (PART I) REBOOT

This post has been a very long time in the making... partly due to the desire to be a bit farther along in my weight loss than I am currently. But, I'm more than halfway there, so what the heck am I waiting for?!



First of all, I never, not in a million years, thought I'd ever battle my weight. Before babies, I'd always been active and could eat an entire pizza without gaining an ounce. Even after I had my first son, I was actually 13 lbs lighter and 2 sizes smaller than I was before I got pregnant. Stupid me, I didn't think to pack sweats after having him. I just brought jeans and had to use some hospital type rope to hold them up. True Story.

Here's me back in September of last year
at my heaviest at 220lbs. & size 18-20

However, within the first 2 months, I came down with an infection related to breast feeding and it threw my entire body off. I gained 30lbs in 2 months. And it's been a weight war ever since. I've tried everything from Atkins to Sensa. I even created challenges with cash prizes for who can lose the most weight. And I could- I just couldn't keep it off. Last year, I was doing the best I'd ever done since we were living in a house with a lap pool. I was exercising but not eating right, even though I thought I was. Weight was still coming off though. That all changed when we decided to move to Oregon. I stopped swimming and started stressing. A lot. And the weight came on fiercely! I didn't even realize how big I was until after our move here and I watched a video of me online singing for the last time at my home church. And I cried... more like bawled my eyes out. Partly because I loved and missed my church, but also because my weight had gotten out of control and I didn't even notice! Below are some freeze frames of the video but you can watch it here: http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/16646294

With a very fresh out of state move, our finances were drained. A gym membership or a personal trainer weren't even on the table for discussion. I wasn't working, so I started taking long walks on the beach. The walks soon turned into strides, and the strides turned into jogs. I started feeling great almost instantly. But I was not getting any results. At all. Then Jerry & I started watching lots of food documentaries on Netflix. We quickly became fans of "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead". If you ever get a chance to watch that, I highly recommend it. It will blow you away! It wasn't too long after, we started juicing. Not juicing to loose weight, rather, detox from all the processed foods we've been consuming. I lost 8lbs in just a few days. I only mention that to bring you to this point: Do not juice simply to lose weight. If you do not continue a diet of fruits/vegetables, it will just come back on as quickly as it left. A reboot is to detox, not to be a weight loss program. You can find their entire programs in detail here: http://www.fatsickandnearlydead.com

http://vimeo.com/18732737

Now, I'd be totally lying if I typed how simple this first step was. Because it was not! It was difficult and nothing tasted good for this sweet-toothed chick! I was grumpy... boy was I grumpy! And lethargic too, for the first few days anyway. Oh! And I was grumpy- just in case I failed to mention that. I caved the first couple times I tried to do a juice reboot. But on the third try, I followed through and kept on for the 15-day reboot. The differences I'd seen convinced me that my diet had EVERYTHING to do with more than just my weight issues.

After the 15-day reboot, my complexion was absolutely clear. I will even go as far as saying, my skin was the best I'd ever known it to be. My nails & hair took on a dramatic change. I was sleeping better. Not only was I more motivated, I was focused. My mind was sharper and I could think more clearly. My moods and emotions evened out significantly and physically, I was energized. Even my eyesight improved. It was an incredible difference. Needless to say, I started changing the way I was thinking about food. Food was not just a way to satisfy a craving but fuel to keep the body going. What you put into your body is determines your body's performance. If you eat crap, you're gonna feel like crap. I know it's been said like a bazillion times and we all know this -BUT- like most of us, I ate when I could. I'd pop something in the microwave or drive through McDonald's if we were running late. I bbq'd a lot because I believed that made my meal healthy. Oh, I've been wrong about so many things...


Looking back on the process of my weight loss journey and everything I've learned along the way, 
it would be a bit overwhelming to put in just one blog post. So, I'm going to do one section at a time. This post is a glimpse into how I got started on this journey and how my battle with weight began. If this journey is something your interested in, drop me a line and let me know. If  there's enough interest, I'd be more than happy to share my beginning workouts & diet plan. Not diet as starving yourself, rather making better food choices. 


 I would recommend, again, watching Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead. http://vimeo.com/18732737

Thanks again for all the encouragement and support from my facebook posts! At first I wasn't going to share this struggle because I was afraid that if I failed, everyone would know. However, your encouragement has been a huge motivation for me and has held me accountabe to stay on track. So, I thank you! Very much. ♥

Sharon

BULLY: A Must See

If you have kids, then this movie is a must see.

I'm blessed with the ability to attend my kids' field trips. But due to the subject matter of this movie and understanding very well the emotionally charged content behind it, I gave my son the option of going with his classmates without me. I was a bit shocked and very proud when he looked at me and said that out of all the trips, this is the one he wanted me to be on with him.

Watch the trailer here:

Opening Scene: a bus full of kids. Nothing really stands out. Only the thought of knowing exactly where this movie is going and waiting for something to happen. And then you hear the voice of a man speaking about his son. His smile. His happiness. His pain. And then you notice he's talking about his son in the past tense.

His son, Tyler, committed suicide. Age 17.

Tyler. When he spoke his son's name, it sent shivers down my spine and that burning sensation in my eyeballs. I closed them quickly, and before I had a chance, my Tyler took my hand.

A Mother's Day card from Alex, one of the boys bullied in this film.

This movie was personal to me on so many levels. When I was growing up, I was a buck-toothed, knobby kneed, teacher's pet. I was a teacher's pet because I was abused at home and I needed to be someone special, to anyone who cared.

Needless to say, that didn't make me very popular. And if that wasn't bad enough, I had a twin sister. A gorgeous twin sister with whom I was always compared to. She was always the prettier one. And because we were so broke down from a terrible home life, we made pretty great targets for bullies.

There was one incident on Halloween. I was jumped and literally beat down while my sister was tied to a tree. If memory serves me right, it was the week after we were both beat by several kids in our elementary school bathroom. The reason? We were too ugly and if we were going show our face in public, then we needed to be taught a lesson. Yup. That sure did wonders for my self-esteem. And they were issues I carried with me straight to adult-hood.

Fast forward to many, many years later... about the time I'm sending my kids to school. You can imagine how my heart broke for my oldest son to learn that the biggest kid in his class -held back 2 years already- had decided to target my boy who happened to be the smallest in his entire grade! I tried to let him handle it. Then I went to the teacher who's hands were tied by the principle. And going to the principle was a joke in itself. So what do you do? What can you do? You have a voice. And it's more powerful than you know.

BE THE DIFFERENCE.

Aside from being a plethora of resources, this movie shares the story of many sides of bullying, from the precious boys that took their lives, to a bully himself. From the unequipped administration, to the denial of law enforcers. From the kid struggling to learn the difference between being a punching bag and having an authentic friendship, to the girl who is determined to rise above it all. And the heartbroken parents who learn too late about the hell their kids are going through on a daily basis.

I will warn you, it is a documentary filming raw and unscripted events as they unfold in the daily lives of several students. The language may be offensive but let's take the sugar coating off. Bullies don't use candy-coated accolades. This is real life. The reality of it is quite disturbing. This is how they really talk. And this is what derogatory, degrading, ruthless bullying sounds like. I only warn you so that you can prepare your kids ahead of time.

If you get a chance or have already seen this movie, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

♥,
Sharon

Additional Resources:
http://thebullyproject.com/
https://www.facebook.com/bullymovie

To find out where this movie is playing in your area, visit: http://thebullyproject.com/bullyticketingseefilm.html

World Travels, 20-mile hikes & Turning 80

You read that correctly. 20-mile hikes, not 20 mile hikes. And if that wasn't impressive, did I mention her 10-12 mile solo hikes in Spain last year - following the Santiago de Compstela pilgrim's trail in the north?

Today, I'm writing about a woman named Lucia. 

                   

Last week, I accepted a photography job to cover for another wonderful photographer who had to back out at the last minute. It was for an 80th surprise party for Lucia. First of all, I love photographing ALL types of events but I normally don't post birthday party images on my facebook/blog. BUT, this one is different. This was truly a privilege for me to participate in celebrating the life of this amazing woman by her adoring family and a room full of wonderful friends. 

Just to be clear, I don't get emotional. Like, ever! I only mention this because I actually had to put my camera back to my face just to hide my watery eyes. 

What could evoke such an emotion?

Listening to her sons talk about their mother. 

Not only did they share about the "adventures they put her though", something about bombs... among other things... but they shared the very heart of their mother. 

And then I heard it. 
The best compliment I've ever heard given to any mother. 

One of her sons praised his wife. He went on about how wonderful she was. How beautiful she was. He loved her generosity and sincerity. He adored her hard work, energy, and genuineness. But most of all, he loved her heart. But why would he speak about his wife on the day everyone is honoring his mother?

Get your tissues ladies...

Because, he thanked his mother for setting the standard on what a woman is suppose to be like. And then he went on the say that he loved his wife and felt she was a reflection of the woman he adored the most... that's right: his mother.

I'm a wedding photographer, for crying out loud!!! I hear mushy stuff all the time!

So why did this choke me up? Because it made me want to be that type of mother. To raise my boys without losing my sense of adventure. To love them without smothering them. To bring them up right while being just. To discipline them sternly but love them fiercely. For them to never doubt how much they mean to me. And most of all, I want to be an example of what a Godly woman looks like... and even when I fail, I'll never stop trying. 

And, just in time for Mother's Day...

   

Preparing or Repairing?

Last Friday, I had the awesome privilege of photographing The Chick-Fil-A Leadercast via live-feed. Hosted by the Central Oregon Coast Association, this conference featured dynamic speakers such as Andy Stanley, Tim Tebow, & John Maxwell, among many other world renown speakers. As the Official Photographer, I thought I was only going to work that day and didn't realize I was actually going to participate in this event. I can't even begin to describe the personal breakthroughs I've experienced which has me re-evaluating not only my business but my role as a christian, wife, mother, & business owner. Here are a few key notes that spoke most to me:

ARE YOU PREPARING OR REPAIRING?

That's one of the many introspective questions asked during the day. And it was a question that made me shrug in my chair. Following that, came the statement: The secret to your success is determining your daily agenda. You can imagine how I felt when I realized that I don't even have a daily agenda. Aside from the everyday get up, get the kids ready for school, check the facebook & other social media, I don't have a set dinner time or even set devotional time. The truth is: the only times that are set in my house are the time we wake the kids up for school, the time they get home & the their bed time... and of course their scheduled practices and game times. Everything else falls into the "get it done when you can" category. Which brings me to the next key:

IF YOU RAN YOUR BUSINESS LIKE YOU RAN YOUR HOUSE, 

WOULD YOU BE SUCCESSFUL?

You just read my above schedule, do you really need me to elaborate?
Short Anwer: No

Long Answer: No, really.

THE CHOICE YOU MAKE, MAKES YOU

We all know this, right? But do we really know it?! Like, the choice to walk away from jobs that compromise the core values of our beliefs? Or how about the time we spend cultivating our skills, growing our network, and expanding our business at the cost of our family? These are not just business decisions. They directly reflect our character. And I want mine to be that of a well-balanced and authentic woman, devoted wife, and the baseball team mom who runs a successful business. In that order. 

Needless to say, this conference has given me a lot to think about. And on that note, I will leave you with my favorite quote of that day:

IF YOU CAN RAISE THE INTEGRITY & CHARACTER AROUND YOU,

THEN YOU ARE A TRUE LEADER.